my life is damn sian..

today was another, which was much better than my normal sian days. thx to my friends ming qian and yiyan. spend most of the time with yiyan and rlly thk her for accompanying coz if not my day would be super sian as well. did some hw. ming qian, thx for telling mi bout how px life is. more details had been filled in, most probably i will have to find friends to go out with to study and play. one always have a choice in life, you nvr had to choose to be so busy. in some way or another, she is just so busy. my heart sunk so deep when i heard all the plans she have. PA, NDP prac, school camps, touch rugby training. anymore? i think so. its all not confirm. all thx to ming qian, i find tat there is no point being so angry with her. wads the point. me being angry wont change anything. i jus want time. yes, this is only for now, but its now, this starting of the yr tat we ARE SUPPOSED to have more time. however, it doesnt seemed tat way to her. she wans a life like tat. contributing to the school, having fun with her classmates. and i supposed to be very understanding. i jus wan some time with her. INITIALLY, b4 school starts, we planned to meet every saturday, regardless of how we busy we are. we promised. but den, it seemed like promises are meant to be broken. i have not felt her love for some time. all i feel everyday, every hour, every minute and every second of life, basically is jus boring, emotionless, expressionless, practically nothing at all. yes, after wad ming qian told mi today, i will try not to flare up, i will give in. i havent been the best myself. not smiling at all. even yiyan said i look like a souless fellow walking ard with no aim. true, my mind is blank. nothing. everytime, my heart can only feel the sour and bitterness. everytime, when more details are filled in, when her schedule becomes more packed, my heart jus sunk, so deep. JC life, is jus supposed to be all bout studies for me. they said i m dependent on her, but i cant change tat fact. i rlly cant. wad more can be done? wad more can i do? i dunno. everyday in school, looking at rachel and shao an, and how happy they are. everyday in school, i look at terence and sylvia, another couple in my class, how they are willing to spend time alone with each other, to eat to study. i can feel the emptiness in my heart. she is busy, and there is nothing i can do, but to give in and accept the fact.