my life is damn sian..

it was another day. breakfast, met up with yiyan awhile, and went to town with my family. it has been a long time since i went to town. i remember, i used to pick her up from her hse and we would take bus tgt to town. stop outside taka and have our lunch somewhere. i saw so many couples only at taka. i even saw my beloved cousin and her boyfriend. my parents kept asking if i wanna buy anything, if i saw anything i like. but then, i just totally lost the feel to buy anything. in the past, i would be more than willing to go shopping. i remember, we always go shopping tgt, just the two of us. i would be following everywhr she wants to go, cottons on, espirit, forever 21, and many more. she loves to go shopping, like every girl likes to and i like to see her try different clothes too, dresses, skirts, shirts, and many more. i don mind goin shopping with her. then she would usually want to me to go look for my stuff, and she would choose some tops and shorts for me. i would try my best to buy those she choose for me, because i know she would be happy seeing me wear those she chose for me. as i went shopping more with her, i actually got a liking for shopping. i would also try to get her things that she wants, the wallets, the scarfs, the shoes, and many more, because i knew she would be happy. during then, i have a goal and a motive for saving money, to spend it on her to make her happy. seeing her happy when she got wad she wants, it makes me feel a strong sense of accomplishment. everytime she choose stuff for me, she knows wad colours i like, wad kinda tops i like, wad kinda design. she understands me inside out. she has great taste. she made me love to go shopping with her. see her in different clothes, its exciting and fun. i miss those days, especially at taka, we would decide not to spend too much on lunch, so we would buy tako balls, and some finger food with orange julius, just the two of us sitting beside the water fountain, enjoying our lunch. i would not stop taking photos of her. everytime when we go out, i would try to take as many photos of her as possible. thats why i decided to change to a 8MP phone. we would walk around the whole orchard, wisma, taka, heeren, cineleisure, and sometimes travel all the way back to vivo, or plaza singapura, or even marina square. although singapore is small, she made me feel so not bored, so happy and excited to go out with her everytime. she made me felt like she wants me to be with her, she needs me, i am very important in her life. i wasnt the low self-esteem anymore. she is the one big thing i am so proud of her. i will not hestitate to introduce her to my relatives and my other friends. she is just... great. however, now, regardless of how i feel, it seemed so pointless. i have lost ALL those feelings, the love of shopping, the use of my 8MP phone, the feel to eat those finger food at taka, the feel to go shopping with anyone. i miss those days, i miss those feelings. i feel the unimportance of my existence in this world. she made a huge difference in my life. she defiinitely made my life more colourful, more exciting, and it became something i will always look forward to. these feelings seemed to have popped back when i went to town today. i have gone to town for a very long time. nowadays, i just don feel like going anywhere specific. i just want to go somewhere i can be quiet, alone. i don wish to be at home too long. there is no feel to go anywhere. in the past, when i went out with her i would have craving for different sorts of food. i have lost the love for food. i don feel like i want anything, or wish to eat anything, or buy anything. the money i saved have no purpose. nothing in my life seemed to be with a purpose. the moment she left me, the colours in my life turned dull. everything seemed to be in black and white, tasteless, liveless. i miss her, i miss her family, i miss max, i miss nigel and ian. her family was the kinda of family i hope to know. they are lively and fun. her family accepted me and invited to many of their events, xmas celebration, babies' birthday, steamboat lunch and dinner. when i was with her, everything seemed so nice. seemed like we are destined to be with each other. she seemed to be the one. but she left me, and i, now, still hope i can get her back. she was my everything, my whole world. i can even brainstormed effectively and think of ways to surprise her during different events. i still remember, she is scared of tickles, so i would always make fun of her, poke her and she would "jump". it was darn cute. she would get "angry", but she was cute too then. i miss her. she seemed to be getting further and further away from me. seemed like it is beyond my reach. sleepless nights, dull, colourless life. i cant let go.