my life is damn sian..

just a few hours ago, i woke up in the morning telling myself i am going to live better. somehow, thats what i have been trying to tell myself recently. just the night before, i was talking to a friend of mine. she is having problems with her boyfriend. she supposedly broke up with him and she decided to give him another chance to show something. how i hope that guy would just wake up, because not everyone is given a chance. i wasnt given a second chance. she didnt gave me a second chance. she shot me down with no mercy. the whole time, i didnt betray her, i didnt flirt around, i was faithful to her. it has alrdy been 2 months 1 day, i still cant figure out what did i do wrong ultimately. i really hope she would give me a second chance, but again and again, she rejected me. i dunno what to do with myself. i miss her terribly. jus a couple hours ago, i went to bukit panjang plaza and had breakfast with my mom and my sis. as i was there at the food court, i saw my senior with his girlfriend having breakfast. my mood was dampen. i can still remember, they were eating subway and the oyster mee sua from shi lin. there i was eating my own food, recalling the past. i remembered we would love to have a simple lunch coz we did not want to waste too much time on eating. so we would go to any nearby shi lin and buy their oyster mee sua, and mine usually without the oysters, and a packet of their famous fried chicken. i can still remember, the first time i went to ate subway with her was at marina square. it was raining heavily that day and i was freezing. but the moment spent with her eating, warmth my heart. and i rmb the other time, it was after our secondary four mid yrs. it had been a long time since we last went out tgt. so we dressed up and went out. i remembered when we were eating, she was looking at me and said," you are damn good looking today." i can nvr forget that day. my senior, he stays at redhill and came all the way down to whr his girlfriend was staying, at bukit panjang jus to have breakfast with her. i can remember going to meet her at vivo early in the mornin to have our breakfast at toast box, the usual half boiled egg and laksa and nasi lemak. mayb some kaya toast or peanut better toast. i enjoyed everytime we ate there. there i was a few minutes ago talking to my buddy. she had her problems too. she and her ex, who is my good buddy as well, they are still friends and they met up sometimes. i have not seen her for near 2 months. there was this time, she called me back coz she had a missed call and she couldnt see who was calling her coz her phone was spoilt. she was like on the phone, cant even recognize my voice. i thought she was joking. i m speechless. i dunno wad to say to myself. i miss her, i wanna give it another shot, but i guess she jus doesnt wanna give me the chance. we have gone thru alot tgt. mayb the fact that i am this state, it was caused my me. i put too much heart into it, and when its gone, i felt like i lost something. i missed the feeling of being loved by someone special. i miss her. i know she doesnt read my blog. but i hope one day, if she does, she would read all the post i written and perhaps really understand what i am thinking, and what she means to me. now, i am speechless.