my life is damn sian..

another long day of revising is coming to an end, and the first paper starts tomorrow. cant wait for this week to be over. it has been 3 months and counting since my life took a drastic change. i still cant really adapt to it. today i was at kfc studying. then there was this couple, guess they are around my age studying together at kfc. so many things start to rewind in my head. kfc, the place me and her go quite often after school. we would go to the kfc at clementi central, and order the same food everytime. 2 sets of 2 piece chicken meal, crispy, with a coleslaw changed to cheese fries, upsized both drinks to medium mountain dew. oh ya, not forgetting the additional 50cents cheese. seemed fattening, but then, we enjoyed it, everytime, never got sicked of it. if i remember correctly, the meals are around 15 dollars in total. those were the times. dressed in nanhua uniform, walking and gossiping about the recent stuff in our school. those time, we were still complaining about the school, but then now, how i wish i could turn back the time, and relive those moments again, those moments with her. suddenly, it came to my mind the time i first went to her house as a friend, together with some other friends. just a coincidence or something, we were both wearing white, although not something really unique, but then we took the photo together and we named it the whites. then there was the other time back at the sec 3 malaysia camp. we were on a bus sitting together, still friends, and we saw a shadow shaped of a heart. we snapped a photo of it and kept it with us. dont know if it was a pure coincidence or something else, but i guess we believed, or maybe it was me, believed that it was all fated. i destroyed it in my own hands in the end... i was sitting in my room studying, trying very hard to focus on my economics revision. then i recalled that during sec 3 when we were still friends, she would even call me at night and we would discuss about our revision and some of our homework. but then now, my phone wasnt even ringing. i could only do everything, once with a companion, now alone. i remember those times studying at jurong east library, with justin and alyssa, or sometimes with phionna, and mayb shao an and rachel. we would go to macdonalds at the jurong entertainment centre and have out breakfast. her favourite, hotcakes with a saugage patty. she usually couldnt finish all three hotcakes, so i have to finish the leftovers for her. then she would slowly finish her sausage patty, with garlic chilli and mayo. her favourite combination of sauces, even with fries. she was the one, who told me she would not mind if i am fat, she likes guys who eat more, like i did back then, kept eating. never hestitated or worry one day she would mind about my size. i didnt felt i was a very... good looking person. i was fat, now still, with very narrow shoulders, steep too, unlike normal guys who are supposed to have broad shoulders. but then, she said she liked my narrow and steep shoulders, steep enough that she could lie on easily. someone who actually appreciate my flaws. how stupid and useless can i get? i ruined this wonderful fact and reality, with my own hands, my own wrong doings. with all these, she really made me felt so, appreciated and needed. i still remember the first time she brought me back to her house, with a special status. she told her maid that i was her boyfriend. she told her family, and they welcomed me with open arms. i learnt to like dogs from her, especially after spending time playing with her dog, max. i talked to him. sound silly, but yeah, was pretty cool. fed him snacks and even apples. oh, she always remember i love apples. without fail, she would hand me one everytime i go her house, after our meals. now, i only get to eat apples, from my own house. she was the one who taught me how to play minesweeper, ever since then, i have been trying to master the game with her help. cant be as good as her though. i would try to sing infront of her somtimes, even to her, and even though i knew i didnt sound very good, she seemed to be enjoying it. who can i sing to now, but to myself, didnt really believed i would be singing the song "dont love you no more" by craig david. but then, it is happening now. our song, the song we selected for both of us, "everytime" by michael buble. everytime it plays, i cant bear to listen to it, it draws me back to the past everytime. i miss her. given one wish, or million or tonnes of wishes, i would only make one, and the same one wish for all the wishes i can make, that is for her to come back to me. i miss her. even though it felt like she is trying to avoid me now, i still think of her. does wishes come true now? i hope so, just this once will do, just this once, to make this wish come true. i miss her.