my life is damn sian..

dont know why, recently, the feeling is getting stronger. just got to know one of my brothers suffer the same fate as me. its been 3 months and counting. people still ask me, what do you like about her? hmmm. the thing about her that i like, is also the thing that i dont like. she is open, friendly, easily approachable. she is great with my friends, even with mine. i can talk to her about everything. she is... nice, sweet, and everything. ndp is coming soon. i see ndp signs everywhere. just about a year ago, looking at ndp signs would make me excited about watching ndp because i can watch her perform. trying my very best just to find that small little girl dancing away on the huge stage in my tv. she is very small. when i found her, my eyes would be locked onto her, watching her every move, enjoying her dance. now, when i see the ndp signs, the advertisements, i just feel like, shutting my eye, hope the signs werent there. i hope i can be away on national day. i wont get to see her then. sometimes, it really hurts, to see the person you love the most, appearing on msn, seeing a little face on the photos on facebook photo album updates. its really small, somehow, i always manage to see it accidentally whenever her photos are there. dont really want to see it, but its there. as disgusting and mushy everything may sound in this blog, but everything, its all from my heart. i know, i should have let go of it by now. but then, at nights, at instances, i really miss her. everywhere i go, it seemed like there's something to remind me of her. it really sucks. i know, now, nothing i do would be able to bring her back to me. its the painful fact. when you love someone, when i love her, especially her, i know i want to be with her forever, even though its not really possible, no one believed we could last forever. i thought i could prove them wrong. because when i love her, i really could feel that i want to be with her for as long as i can live. sometimes, it really felt like she was so close, when i go pass certain places, it really felt like she was just nearby. but then, in fact, she wasnt. no matter what internet shit or any games that says that our compatibility was low or whatever shit, i choose to believe, it was all wrong. i keep having images of her faces in my head, appearing time and time again. i miss her. i am trying to let go, i really am. but sometimes, i really cant. i miss her.