my life is damn sian..

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MrSianGuyLifeIsDamnDamnSIAN

SIAN

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

it hurts, it hurts so bad

right at this very moment, i feel like my heart had been broken into pieces. was just surfing the net and reading blogs, when i came to yueli's and saw all her recent photos. suddenly there was so many of HER photos. the very sight her, even if it were just her photos, it made me felt so... terrible. felt like i am breaking down inside of me. she, and yueli, zhipeng, colin, hannqian, alyssa, cheryl, seemed to be hanging out together just fine, even with isaac. it seemed like we arent friends anymore. how long has it been already, why do i still have this kinda feelings? it really felt like shit, and i really feel like shit now. sight of her smile, doesnt make my heart melts, but just shatter my heart, into pieces that seemed like i can never retrieve and put my heart back together. i dont know what to say, i dont know what to do, i dont know how to explain everything to myself. why does my eyes starts to get teary. have i done so much bad that i deserve such a retribution? it really feels like she just there, she is just right there, so so near, but yet, so far that i cant really reach her myself. i miss her so badly still. is this feeling going to last forever? sometimes i really cant take it. it really hurt so bad. i really cant take it. as much as i want this to go away, i cant make it go away. its like a deep scar in my heart that doesnt seemed to heal. the pain doesnt seemed to get numb. she seemed to be living her life great, why cant i? what am i supposed to do to make everything disappear. i am really trying my best to forget and let go everything, everyday, everynight, i try to overcome all the things that are running in my mind. but just at the sight of her, i break down. i miss her. it hurts, it hurts so bad.

LEEZHIHANEUGENE

TWENTY.06/02/92
nanhuahigh.409'08
andersonJC.28/09
GYM-SIAO
SUPER-mugger
Bballer
S-I-A-N

If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I LOVE YOU
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear

Take time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.

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