my life is damn sian..

today, is the 22nd of July, marks the fourth month since my new life began and i'm still living like shit. as much as i told myself i want to have an early rest, i couldn't. as i lie down on my bed, i remembered, today is the 22nd. so i decided to on my computer in the middle of the night at 1 am to write this blog post. its has been four full months. life's been quite different without her. and this time, i have my dear friend zixin to get through this period with me as he suffered the same fate as me. life's going to be tough for us, though it has already been so for me for the past few months. sometimes, i just... still think of her, hoping she was just right beside me. i dont know if i am still hoping for that miracle, but if it comes one day, i will gladly accept it. as much as i want to let go, i cant do it immediately. even through this four months, i still miss her badly at times. tears still run down my cheeks when it really hit me hard. i could still remember how she usually got angry with me. i could never forget how she looked like. i figure, she was the one that made me understand love, so as i truely understand it, i gave it all to her when i was with her. i gave it all that i got. asking me to take all of it back and give that all to someone else, i dont know, i really dont know if i am able to do it. really seemed impossible. people say the one you marry might not be the one you truely love the most in your entire life. when i was with her, i told myself, the girl i am going to marry, is going to be one i love most in my life, then, it was her. i thought i could make that statement everyone made, untrue. pardon me for my poor english. she just hopes i let go off everything. but then, it's really difficult. friends say it's the lack of experience, but then, does it mean i have to experience love with many different people before i really get that experience? cant i just stick to one? anyway, its the 22nd today, i dont think she would be happy to see a text message from me, so i decided i shall just keep this little 22nd thing to myself luh. all i hope is that she will remember this date. she was the one who gave me the name " E-SQUARE". i use it on my secondary school class jersey, together with the number 22. all these inspirations were from her. somehow, no matter how much i am able to smile, laugh, play everyday, i still cant forget about her. she always be there at this little corner of my heart, this little corner of my mind. it will pop up and the memories will start to rewind back. just a year ago, i was still celebrating this day with her, she was with me the whole day. just a year ago, 22nd meant something special to me and her. till now, it still meant something to me. i miss her.